Motherhood and Graduate School
(Above: child-slash-family-friendly commencement at #YaleLawSchool)
When I joined the graduate program at the University of Hawai'i at Manoa (UHM) almost five years ago, I was the only mother in the Second Language Studies PhD program. Since then, another mother (also with two elementary school aged children) has joined me and, whether by fate or by design, we share an office together.
Our gray, office walls are a display of our almost-oxymoron identities: academic deadlines and CFP reminders are weaved in between our kids' school events and meal calendars and bright, colorful drawings made by our children (which we so proudly display). Our conversations center on the challenges of juggling such big parts of our lives and on avoiding falling short of one or the other.
Although this topic is not new (we're not the first ones nor will be the last), it is still absent from most academic discourse. There has been a recent attempt into making our campus more family-slash-child-friendly:
When I first joined UHM, there was no lactation/nursing room (now there is one in one of the libraries and one can book it in advance).
SPAM (Student Parents at Manoa) offers great resources and workshops, but, as the name implies, its main focus is on helping the student-parent cope with the demands of school (first) and parenthood (second).
UH Manoa Children's Center (UHMCC): my children attended (and loved!) this preschool program for two years. We enrolled them on a satellite site because it was multi-age and shared the space with SPED.
Note: Childcare across the island is expensive. Often students qualify for CCAMPIS Child Care Subsidy.
On campus, monthly Family Happy Hour: what you get when you mix children's entertainment and a cash bar.
There's still a long way to go. Some of the services I wished were available include (and please add the word "affordable" in front of each item):
On campus family housing with two (or more :) bedrooms. Washer/dryer would really be a plus, especially during those days (and nights) filled with baby's blowouts, barfing, food spills, etc.
On campus playground area. I've lost count how many times my partner drove to campus to give me a ride home after picking up the boys only to find out my meeting was running late. The creative person that he is, he's taken the kids out exploring the koi pond, cafeteria, and... actually, that's it. There's not much else for kids to do.
On campus drop-in or in-home childcare services for when the children are sick or when nannies fall through.
Kids summer camps! Because how else am I supposed to finish that chapter, attend this conference, or submit that paper?
A family day when the campus is transformed into a carnival! Okay, maybe that's a bit too much... but wouldn't it be awesome?!!!
I am so proud of being a PhD candidate. I am also proud of being a mom! I want my children to see where I spend most of my time when I'm not with them and I want my colleagues to understand that my contribution to academia can be increased with simple yet realistic changes. Changes in schedule, expectations, and assumptions.